Sin City: A Dame to Kill For
You’ll love it. We did.
“I got a burnin’ feelin’ deep inside o’ me. It’s yearnin’ but I’m gonna’ set it free”. So sang AC/DC in their song Sin City. Well, last night my trusted companion Dr Jay Freeman and I set it free, and by that I mean got in for free (thank you Odeon Cinema) as we went to watch, and subsequently tell you all about Sin City: A Dame to Kill For.
Yes, the long awaited Frank Miller penned sequel had us both very excited to be in attendance, not least because this second outing into the dark, dirty streets of Basin City takes place in glorious, eye-punching 3D. As the film started, two things became apparent before the credits had even finished rolling; firstly, this is a film that has had no problems attracting talent. Whether it be returning actors from the first film (Mickey Rourke, Jessica Alba, Rossario Dawson) or new arrivals (Joseph Gordon Levitt, Eva Green, Josh Brolin), the cast list is ultimately very impressive. The second thing is that this CGI heavy, noir-sterpiece is one of the most effective movies ever screened in this medium. It really does look stunning.
And speaking of stunning, look out for Eva Green’s 3D boobs. I say look out, you literally can’t miss them – they get more screen time than Mickey Rourke. I was glad I was with a doctor, the longer she was on screen, the more intense my fear of losing an eye to one of her giant, monochrome, 3D teats became. The movie also features Jessica Alba again as Nancy, the most career-motivated exotic dancer ever to appear on screen. Seriously, she just cannot seem to fucking stop! Marvel as she crotch-grinds at the crowd whilst simultaneously crying for her lost love. Admire how she twerks, crunks and plans the elimination of her greatest enemy, all to a feisty little dub-step number.
So, sex? Check! But does this film have the violence content required for this movie to live up to its moniker? Yes. Yes it fucking does. Hands broken with pliers, Alba’s pump-action crossbow and more beheadings than an episode of Al Jazeera’s You’ve Been Framed, pretty much make this film as violent, if not more so, than the original.
So is it good? Well here’s the rub. No – but don’t worry, you won’t notice. You’ll do what we did - leave the cinema babbling at a million miles an hour about how amazing that was to watch, and you won’t even notice for about 24 hours that underneath it’s incredibly slick, stylised exterior, it was a badly paced film with little or no actual suspense, plots that jump all over each other then all end the same way, and characters so one dimensional that they are reduced down to little more than tropes and plot devices.
For example, Marv in the first movie is a guy whose ironically non-black-and-white principles lead him to do unspeakable things in defence of the one person who ever showed him kindness, even ultimately becoming the architect of his own demise. He goes from that, to the local rent-a-c*nt, who just loves indiscriminately getting involved in anybody else’s shit without giving two fucks about who or why, just so he can pull out some poor bastard’s eyeball.
As I said, however, you won’t notice any of this though. We did, but we’re paid to. Well, not paid as such… anyway, the point that I’m making is this. You can’t polish a turd. You can, however, send it to Robert Rodriguez who will roll it in tits and guns, make it spin in the air inches from your face and flash through it all so fast that it will feel less like you’re watching it and more like it’s being forcibly ejaculated into your brain. And do you know what? This glorious, spinning turd will only be matched by the shit you won’t give about any of the criticism (whether you are quick enough to spot it or not). You’ll love it. We did.
Smiley
