John Shuttleworth

Thirty years is a long time to play one character – just ask Eastenders' Adam Woodyatt, or Corrie's William Roach (who has now clocked up an incredible 57 years as Ken Barlow).

In 1978 Graham Fellowes, a drama student at Middlesex Polytechnic for a short while became Jilted John, a proto-punk adolescent with a Raleigh Chopper, a paper round and a girlfriend called Julie. And a number two hit record. Later, in 1986, Fellowes became John Shuttleworth, a tragi-comic singer-songwriter from Sheffield. Armed with a Yamaha keyboard and a portfolio of songs set to off-key calypso, bossa nova and pop rhythms, Shuttleworth entertained us for the next thirty years with reflective tales of mundanity served up with clever wordplay and a stoic, if slightly world-weary, optimism.

But tonight, on the Norwich leg of his 'Last Will and Tasty Mint' tour, the fans are in for bad news. In the wake of 2016's celebrity cull Shuttleworth has decided to call it a day in the interest of health and safety. No more musings on the time it takes to locate the crab paste in Morrisons. No more songs ruing the packaging changes to our favourite chocolate bars. No more drives along the A1111 to check on manager Ken Worthington's holiday home at Sutton-on-Sea. He telephones Ken during the performance to inform him of his decision, and to ask to be released from his contract.

Will John Shuttleworth stick to his guns? Will he really go ahead and donate his organs to the local residential home where he plans to eventually retire? Or will he have a change of heart, and return next year for the first of many comeback tours?

With a packed house of desperate fans still in a state of shock at the news, there is only one way to proceed, and that is with a show packed with classic Shuttleworth hits, including One Cup of Tea Is Never Enough (But Two is One Too Many), I Can't Go Back to Savoury Now, and, of course, the motoring classics Y-Reg and A1111. In between we are regaled with tales and musings on buying Costa coffee from a petrol station, advice on how to spend the rest of your two hour parking allowance at Morrisons, and why the hole in a Polo mint could save your life. You can understand how Shuttleworth has become such a hero to his legion of fans.

For me, it was my first live Shuttleworth experience. Whether it is my last appears to now rest in John's hands. Personally, I loved the amalgam of Harry Hill, Jim Bowen and Pam Ayres rolled into one life-sized pseudo-surreal package, and would happily sign up for more. But I do still wonder what happened to Jilted John. And whether or not Gordon is still a moron.