Films > DVD Reviews

London Has Fallen

29/06/16

2013’s Olympus Has Fallen, in which the White House and its dopey occupants were rescued from Korean terrorists by a gurning Gerard Butler, was the cinematic equivalent of Donald Trump. It was loud, vulgar, and dumb. It made little narrative sense, and exhibited a child’s understanding of the world. Worst of all, it constantly deployed playground patriotism to move its audience (I counted at least three occasions when a mournful string section accompanied a slow-motion shot of a damaged Stars and Stripes). Like Trump, it was not intended to be watched or considered, but to be whooped at by fuckwits. Unfortunately, also like Trump, it proved to be bafflingly popular with the weak-minded, so we get a sequel. Thanks, fuckwits.

London Has Fallen, in which London and its dopey occupants are rescued from generic brown people by Gerard Butler (not just gurning this time, but seemingly trying to tongue a piece of food out of his right molar for the whole film), is the cinematic equivalent of Boris Johnson. It’s ridiculous, bloated, vacuous, and makes you want to slap your own face. Its veneer of stupidity, familiarity, and hokey Englishness is almost enough to distract you from what a massive turd it is, but not quite. Like Boris, It bumbles from one unlikely situation to the next like a slobbering dog trying to escape its own farts. And, like Boris, it’s about ten years out-of-date and looks shite.

The only way it differs from Boris is that it is very poor. Don’t let it into your home.